"I'll reach the next stage to realize it all..." [Thoughts]

So I realized I haven't tagged a few of my posts. It's partly due to laziness, but for the most part I just didn't know what to tag them as when I don't have anything much to say. lol This post, though, has more substance to it than the last one. At least, that's what I hope.

The image above is from Sora no Woto (trans: Sound of the Skies). It's a pretty good anime. It doesn't have any real linearity in its story. It jumps around from story to story for each of the main characters. With that said, each episode has it's own narrative. Some episodes may be meaningful to some people while others might view them simply as entertainment. But isn't that what shows do in the first place? ;)

Now onto the thought-spilling! Like my post a while back with Chrno Crusade, I'll post the conversation between the two characters first. The blonde is Filicia, and the other character (whose face you can't see, but she has blue hair...) is Rio.

Filicia: Rio, you were just asking if there were any meaning in this world, right?

Rio: Yeah.

Filicia: Ever since I survived in the battle alone, I've pondered the same question. Why did I, alone, survive? Was there any meaning in it? And then I realized... There can't possibly be any meaning in this world.

Rio: ...

Filicia: (turning to Rio) But isn't that wonderful in it's own right?

Rio: (turns to Filicia in a bit of surprise)

Filicia: Because if there isn't any, we can find our own. And I found mine... My meaning in being alive. I don't want them to suffer the way I did.

It's a bit cheesy, but I've always wondered the same thing. What meaning is there in this world if we all ultimately meet an end of some sort? Death catches up to everyone in one way or another. Yet, we arguably all fear it. We don't know what lies beyond this life, so we try to extend our lives as long as we can. But why? Why extend one's life if the outcome is the same as ending one's short?

I've always felt that there was no true meaning to this world. Instead, we each live our lives because we can. We make the most out of it. That's why we make friends and try to have as many good times as possible. At the same time, we must also experience bad times. That's what it means to have lived. You can't have one without the other.

This scene wasn't important to me in the fact that Filicia had found her reason to live in this world. It was important to me in the fact that she said, "And I found mine." Not everyone lives for the same reason. Everyone has their own purpose that they feel is important. As such, they live their lives to fulfill that reason. It may take a long time for someone to find that one thing in their life that is meaningful enough to turn into the reason for their existence.

Life within itself is not important. It's how each person views and goes about his own life. It's about finding one's own personal reason(s) to live.

"Just go and leave this all behind..." [Thoughts]

Hey all! It's been a while since last update. I figured I'd drop in and update. And, as the title is tagged, I have some more thoughts to share. (In)significant? Perhaps. Isn't that for you all to decide for every post in this blog? :)

On Saturday, I was at work. An old co-worker (he actually took care of the Frozen department before I got the job) came by to wait for his friends and say hi to everyone. After the usual small talk and formalities, we eventually got to talking about the future. Well, more specifically, what we both had to do to get to where we want. It was at this point forward that my mood started to take a bit of a dip.

I'm a Chemistry major. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy the vast subject and all its little components as a whole. I enjoy doing research with Dr. Serafin, my Honors General Chemistry II professor back in Spring 2009. There is no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to be doing once I get out of school for good.

However, this guy comes along and the first thing he asks me is "You know what you doin' is mad hard, right?" I told him I do know. He then goes on and talks about how I'm gonna be in complete debt after I get my Masters and a Ph.D, and how young doctors and scientists everywhere don't make money until forever, and how chemistry isn't where all the money is, and a whole lot of other junk. In the back of my mind I was just like, "Are you really telling me this?" He was telling me stuff I considered before even picking this major.

I've already considered how much money it's going to cost for me to go through undergraduate school, graduate school, and getting a doctorate. I've already considered that I'll probably be in debt of some sort to one person or another. I've already considered that people in my field don't make as much money as the people working Wall Street (no disrespect to any of them). But you know what? I picked this field because of one reason and one reason only. I. Love. It. I don't care if it takes me to the ends of the earth to pay back everything my parents needed to spend to get me there. I'm not going to do some job that I hate just because I get more money. I told him all this. I think he got the idea that I was getting visibly frustrated and started to back off and tried to go into another aspect. But at that point, I didn't even bother carrying on conversation with him anymore.

What I hate the most is when someone tries to criticize me for something I do because I like it. Be it the music I listen to, the shows I watch, the books I read, or whatever. I'll never criticize someone else for doing it. I'll make jokes about it (like people that live and die by the Twilight Saga), but I won't criticize their likes. What they like is what they like and I respect that.

So, if you would, get off my back.

EDIT: Forgot to upload a picture. Uploaded Kuroko for great justice, badassery, and because that's what I want to do to some people that don't respect what other people want to do with themselves.

Trapped Thoughts/Ever-Present Feeling [Thoughts]

If you don't recognize the face of the girl in the background of the text, then refer to my last post regarding Fate/Stay Night. This is a collaboration of lines of one of the more touching scenes (at least to me) in the F/SN visual novel. No matter how many times I play through this part (and I have many, many times...), the part where the main character responds "--It's more painful for you, right?" just gets me right in the heart. Perhaps it's because of the way that the girl, Rin, acts.

That is to say, she does her best to appear strong for others. She puts so much effort into doing so that she doesn't really realize that it's okay for her to be strong for herself, sometimes. The most ironic part is that she is the 'tsundere' of the anime/novel, and makes it appear as if she isn't caring. Yet, deep down, she cares for others very much.

Now, I may be looking into this too much. After all, this is a game made simply to tell a tale and to entertain its players/readers. Despite this, I've developed plenty of emotional attachment to several of these F/SN characters. As such, I'm inclined to express why I think this scene in particular hit me so hard. Who knows, maybe the people that are reading are into this sort of expression. (If you weren't, why are you reading my blog, then? o.O)

Simply put, the way that Rin acts reminds me very much of myself. I do think that, sometimes, I just need to stop caring so much about other people and care about myself a little bit. Now, I'm sure that sounds worse than it really is. I love the friends and family that are around me. I wouldn't hesitate to go several extra steps to help them.

At the same time, there are points where something one of my friends says just hurts me. It's bound to happen. Even best friends bicker and get into fights and arguments. However, I am the one that tends to try and always turn it around and make light of things quickly. I don't like being sad. I don't like being angry. I'll step down and admit that I'm wrong and reconcile first. Why do I do this? Your guess is as good as mine.

If I had to say, I would say it's because I prefer as little people to be hurt as possible. I prefer only one person being sad instead of two (or more). If it means making peace, then I'll shoulder the grim load. Life is too short for us to hate each other. Instead, we should enjoy the time we have. But I just wish that sometimes, taking the sadness like I do didn't suck so much. Put on a smile and pretend you're not hurt. Put on a smile and pretend you're not hurt. How many times have I said that to myself in a situation where I was in a confrontation with one of my friends?

Sigh, I'm guessing a lot of that wall of text above may have sound pretentious ("Who the heck do you think you are? Some sort of friggin' emotional martyr? Get over yourself.") or may not have made any sense at all ("Wtf are you even talking about anymore dude?"). To that I say: This post is marked as [Thoughts]. These are my thoughts. :)