Trapped Thoughts/Ever-Present Feeling [Thoughts]

If you don't recognize the face of the girl in the background of the text, then refer to my last post regarding Fate/Stay Night. This is a collaboration of lines of one of the more touching scenes (at least to me) in the F/SN visual novel. No matter how many times I play through this part (and I have many, many times...), the part where the main character responds "--It's more painful for you, right?" just gets me right in the heart. Perhaps it's because of the way that the girl, Rin, acts.

That is to say, she does her best to appear strong for others. She puts so much effort into doing so that she doesn't really realize that it's okay for her to be strong for herself, sometimes. The most ironic part is that she is the 'tsundere' of the anime/novel, and makes it appear as if she isn't caring. Yet, deep down, she cares for others very much.

Now, I may be looking into this too much. After all, this is a game made simply to tell a tale and to entertain its players/readers. Despite this, I've developed plenty of emotional attachment to several of these F/SN characters. As such, I'm inclined to express why I think this scene in particular hit me so hard. Who knows, maybe the people that are reading are into this sort of expression. (If you weren't, why are you reading my blog, then? o.O)

Simply put, the way that Rin acts reminds me very much of myself. I do think that, sometimes, I just need to stop caring so much about other people and care about myself a little bit. Now, I'm sure that sounds worse than it really is. I love the friends and family that are around me. I wouldn't hesitate to go several extra steps to help them.

At the same time, there are points where something one of my friends says just hurts me. It's bound to happen. Even best friends bicker and get into fights and arguments. However, I am the one that tends to try and always turn it around and make light of things quickly. I don't like being sad. I don't like being angry. I'll step down and admit that I'm wrong and reconcile first. Why do I do this? Your guess is as good as mine.

If I had to say, I would say it's because I prefer as little people to be hurt as possible. I prefer only one person being sad instead of two (or more). If it means making peace, then I'll shoulder the grim load. Life is too short for us to hate each other. Instead, we should enjoy the time we have. But I just wish that sometimes, taking the sadness like I do didn't suck so much. Put on a smile and pretend you're not hurt. Put on a smile and pretend you're not hurt. How many times have I said that to myself in a situation where I was in a confrontation with one of my friends?

Sigh, I'm guessing a lot of that wall of text above may have sound pretentious ("Who the heck do you think you are? Some sort of friggin' emotional martyr? Get over yourself.") or may not have made any sense at all ("Wtf are you even talking about anymore dude?"). To that I say: This post is marked as [Thoughts]. These are my thoughts. :)