So I was rereading the Railgun manga in my free time. It's currently at possibly the most powerful chapter/arc that our resident Biribiri will ever be put through - the Sisters Arc. If you've watched Index I and thought she had it bad, just read the Railgun manga and see it from her point of view. It's most certainly 100 times worse. Either that, or you can wait for the inevitable Railgun II and experience it then.
Why is it so bad? Basically - every option she tries to utilize to solve her problem is destroyed. Everywhere she turns, there seem to be nothing but negatives. Of course, as shown in the manga page - Touma is there to save the day and knock some sense into Misaka when she's almost given up.
So why the post? Well, the entire time I was reading through this chapter, the song "証" (trans: Akashi [Evidence/Testimony]) by ZONE was running through my head. It's a very powerful song once you understand the lyrics and I think they perfectly explain what Misaka is going through:
Why am I here in this pouring rain?
Do I exist for the sake of tomorrow? What is there that I can do?
Someone tell me, someone notice me, someone answer me.
I looked up while lost in the vortex of people in the valley of buildings.
I seemed so small, nearly swallowed up by the tattered sky.
Someone tell me, someone notice me, someone answer me.
Right now, I'm living and screaming as I search for a place I belong.
Should I tire of wandering,
Tire of screaming,
I won't ever want to run away anymore.
I huddled in exhaustion in the corner of this empty room.
Too afraid to even sleep, my wounds were evident.
Someone tell me, someone notice me, someone answer me.
Right now, I'm living and screaming as I search for a place I belong.
Should I tire of wandering,
Tire of screaming,
I won't ever want to run away anymore.
If I were to die, would people shed a tear for me?
(For who?)
The tears cause my heart to tremble uncontrollably as my testimony.
I'm here at this moment, continuing my living and screaming.
I've probably played this song to death, but it's just so good on so many different levels. (But let me stop before I go off on a tangent with my love for ZONE and the hopes that they will one day come back together and make more awesome J-music.) You can interpret for yourself whether or not those lyrics can be interpreted to fit Misaka's predicament - I think they do. Of course, me being me, I also interpreted the lyrics to somehow apply it towards my own personal life in some manner. I'll be honest - when I read the lyrics for the first time, I felt the words were speaking to my fears.
In short - there's always this part of me that fears my insignificance. I know I'm just one person out of countless people in the world. My achievements that I have done (and those that I hope to accomplish in the future) will most likely be overlooked by many people. (i.e. What kind of place would chemistry have in a place of businessmen?) There are times where I do look up at the tattered sky and I really feel just how small I am. How do small people doing small things live in a world where the already-established giants rule? Here I am searching for a place that I belong, a place where I can have the feeling of "this is where I should be". How am I going to find that place, though?
It's a tough road ahead, and I know I can't let this fear overtake me.
That's enough from me. Here, enjoy the song for yourself.
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